There’s something about the winter that’s just depressing. Beyond all the little things I’ve talked about in the past, like the snow and the cold and the mud all over the carpets, there’s just something that makes people sad during this season. Even if you aren’t formally diagnosed with seasonal depression, you’ve probably experienced some winter tears in your life.
My dog passed away yesterday and I took it really hard. People that don’t have pets probably don’t understand, but they become like family and it’s tough.
Animals have this weird affect on people like me, too. Someone like me, who is constantly stressed and annoyed, can freak out on nearly anyone. But, if I’m upset and I yell at my dog or my cat, I kind of want to punch myself in the face. My dog used to eat my clothes, pee on the carpets, eat the garbage and tear up bags of cat food. I wanted to kill him 98% of the time. Yet, the other 2% of the time, when he was snoring peacefully next to me, convinced me to never be mad at him. There’s something so innocent about our pets that I don’t think I’ll ever find in another human.
I haven’t experienced a lot of death in my life. My grandma passed away when I was 14, but that’s the last time I dealt with having someone extremely close to me removed from my life. So, as a result, I guess my pets have taken that role.
Death, in general, is such a strange topic. Everyone deals with it in different ways, and it’s difficult to talk about openly. I even feel somewhat uncomfortable writing the word, “death.” For something that’s so natural, and that happens to everyone, it’s amazing how deep of a toll it takes on all of us.
There’s really nothing stressful or sarcastic about death, so this topic sort of steers away from my usual rants. What’s funny is that something as serious as this, which should be causing me anxiety, leaves me feeling mostly flat, for lack of a better word. I’m just sad, not worried or stressed out.
As I mentioned earlier, I believe that winter environment adds to it. All the plants are dying, the trees are losing their leaves, there’s currently a snow-pocalypse in Western New York and there’s just this overwhelming sense of loss that can enhance anything you’re feeling on a personal level.
I promise I’ll be back to my usual upbeat, sassy self by Monday, but today is my day to lay in bed, eat McDonald’s 2 for $1 chocolate chip cookies, and be sad about my dog.