I Most Definitely Did Not Wake Up Like This

If I met a genie and was granted three wishes, I’m almost positive I would wish for an endless supply of Kcups, 1 million golden retriever puppies surrounding me at all times, and most importantly, to be naturally pretty.

Now, I’m aware that I’m not entirely unfortunate looking, but let me tell you, I did not “wake up like dis” (end Beyonce quote).

Same. Image from

Image from

All females understand the struggle. The endless hair struggle, the makeup struggle, the workout struggle, the diet struggle. All to look somewhat acceptable in public.

Unless, of course, you’re naturally pretty. Then you don’t understand the struggle at all. Stupid pretty girls.

I know this is so vain to be complaining about, but it really is stressful. I wish that I could just roll out of bed in the morning and look like a Victoria’s Secret model, but instead I look like a disheveled bear who has just risen from a long hibernation.

I know for a fact that it would also save me time, money and effort if I were just simply pretty. I wouldn’t have to buy as much makeup or hair products, I wouldn’t have to wake up an hour before class starts, I wouldn’t have to plan out how much time it will take me to curl my hair and paint on my face every time I want to leave my room. I wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Life would be a breeze.

For the record, I’d like to point out that I’m not exactly high maintenance, either. Regardless of how not naturally gorgeous I may be, I can still be ready to go out within 30 minutes. I also buy the cheapest Maybelline mascara on the shelf and I wash my hair approximately bi-weekly. So, I can’t even imagine what it would be like to be a Sephora junkie who eats lettuce for her meals and teases her hair Every. Single. Day.

But, still, I envy those girls who wake-up with flawless, natural waves in their hair and a smooth complexion without a trace of foundation. I would give up my first-born child to forever remove the permanent blueish circles from under my eyes.

If this is the biggest concern I have to deal with in my life, I suppose I should punch myself in the face. But, I’m a college girl and that’s what college girls have to deal with on a daily basis. Wishing they looked like Candice Swanepoel and realizing they resemble a sea urchin instead.


Manic Mondays: I’m Becoming a Buddhist

Recently I’ve been reading up on some Buddhist teachings. I know, how worldly of me.

But, in all seriousness, last week, I read pieces by the Dalai Lama and a Vietnamese Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, and I feel like it’s causing me some anxiety.

What’s really ironic is that these pieces are probably supposed to be calming and soothing. They’re supposed to make you reflect and consider your life in an insightful way. Not stress. Which is obviously what I’m doing.

Both the Dalai Lama and Hanh talk about 5 traditional precepts, which should act like guidelines for living a compassionate, ethical life. Hanh specifically reflects on these “Five Mindfullness Trainings,” which can be summed up as follows:

  1. I vow to affirm life and to refrain from the taking of a life
  2. I vow to be generous and to refrain from taking what is not given
  3. I vow to be detached (from being self-centered) and to refrain from sexual misconduct
  4. I vow to manifest truth and to refrain from verbal transgressions
  5. I vow to proceed clearly and to refrain from harmful consumption

And, as I read them, I started to worry about what a terribly self-centered individual I can be at, like, all times. I’m constantly worried about myself: What am I going to eat today? When am I going to get my homework done? Why am I poor? Why don’t I have a private jet?

Well, Laura, there’s some people who aren’t going to eat at all today. There’s some people who have been studying to get into medical school for about 10 hours today. There’s some people are can’t afford a house. And as far as the private jet situation… grow up.

The last mindfullness training really stuck out to me, too. When Hanh writes about consumption it’s about so much more than food and drink. We all consume so much on a daily basis: food, beverages, music, television, movies, words. We ingest much more than we think.

And, for me, I know that probably about 99.9% of what I ingest is toxic. I watch horrible T.V., I eat fast food, I don’t read enough, I drink cheap liquor, and above all else, the words and thoughts that I consume are almost always negative.

I complain, I moan, I stress, I worry. I created an entire blog off about this stuff for heaven’s sake.

I’m not saying that I should stop doing these things all together. Honestly, I’m not sure I could even if I tried. But, it’s probably important to start making a conscious effort to ingest nutritious food (but I love you TBell), abstain from drinking (but I love you Franzia), and consume positive energy (but I love complaining).

I might always be a chronic worrier, but maybe I could be the chronic worrier with a more positive outlook on life who is also super healthy and appreciative. I doubt it would kill me to lose a pound or two or seven, either.

I'll get there, I swear.  Image from

I’ll get there, I swear.
Image from

So, there you have it. It’s Monday, I’m over-analyzing, and now I think I’m a Buddhist because I read a singular article by a monk from Vietnam.

I’m Bringing Pale Back

Pale is going to be the new tan. Mark my words.

And, yes, I’m well aware “going pale” isn’t a new trend. Models are ghost-white and sexy, celebrities pull off the sick-look with class and even the occasional trendy girl on campus can make pale look tres chic.

But, the majority of college girls in Upstate New York feel the need to bake in a tanning bed for the entirety of their lives in an effort to convince themselves and others that they’re pretty.

It’s definitely annoying and it’s definitely stressful, especially for worriers like myself. It’s hard not feeling comfortable in your own skin (pun intended).

I’m German and Irish, blue-eyed with blonde hair and therefore, exceptionally pale by nature. And not that, milky, soft-looking skin pale. I’m talking, you-can-see-all-of-my-veins pale. It’s creepy, to be honest.

And as a result, I spent most of my high school career trying to rid myself of my translucent skin. I tanned for years, my white skinning burning away, until I finally attained some sort of color to my pigment. I looked HOT (looking back, I was orange, but never mind that fact). I continued to tan on and off until this year, unable to ever return to my see-through skin days.

Recently, all of this changed. First of all, this blog is anything but serious and anything but sad, but I am going to get serious and sad for a moment. My friend was diagnosed with skin cancer this past summer. And it wasn’t just a small scare, it was the real deal. She had been tanning continuously for years, but we all had, and no one thinks anything bad will come of it. Until it happens to your best friend.

She’s doing perfectly fine now, recovering and handling the entire situation like a trooper (something I admire beyond words). She’s currently healthy and moving forward, which we are all extremely grateful for. But, that isn’t the case for everyone.

Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer in the United States. “Each year, there are more new cases of skin cancer than the combined incidence of cancers of the breast, prostate, lung and colon” ( Millions of people are diagnosed annually with this disease and not all are as lucky as my beautiful best friend.

End lecture. I know that none of this is new or blind-blowing information, but it hit home for me recently, and has inspired me to never, eva, eva step foot in a tanning bed again. I am all about the spray tans and I even support catching some natural rays once in awhile, but it’s time to step away from the human ovens and embrace my Irish skin.

I TOTALLY encourage anyone and everyone to do the same. Ghostly can be the new trend. We can all start comparing who is more pale instead of cross-checking each others tans. It’ll be just as fun, I promise.

vein-y and blotchy and pale and... perfectly fine

vein-y and blotchy and pale and… perfectly fine (sorry for the selfie, I promise I’m not promoting faux modeling, just getting my translucent point across)

So, next time you see me looking creepy and colorless on campus, refrain from commenting. Maybe refrain from buying that three month package deal at Total Tan, too.