acceptance

Manic Mondays: I Bet You Thought You’d Seen the Last of Me

So, I’ve taken a little break from blogging. That’s pretty obvious.

And the truth is, I just wanted to enjoy my time at home with my friends and family during the holiday season. After a whirlwind of food, drinks, and sleeping in until noon, though, my break is slowing coming to an end. As a result, I’ve decided to get back to blogging in attempt to bring some sort of structure back into my life.

Also, I ran into an old friend the other day who complimented my blog and I did feel a pang of guilt knowing that I had abandoned my online journal for a month now (okay, it’s been more than a month… sue me).

First off, I DON’T EVER WANT TO GO BACK TO SCHOOL. I love my friends, I love my college, but the comforts of home (my bed, my cat, my mom giving me her Discover card to go grocery shopping…) are just too appealing to want to leave behind. However, I know I’ll be physically forced to leave in about a week and a half if I’d like to, ya know, graduate, so I should probably make the most of it.

Which brings me to my main point: positivity. It’s officially 2015 (hurray!) and we’ve all grown accustomed to the “New Year, New Me” vibes that seep into our lives as we ring in the new year. And you would think as an over-thinking, somewhat cynical brat (for lack of a better, more appropriate word) that I would be repulsed by these type of hopeful resolution-ers, right? But, for some reason I feel the exact opposite.

I recently posted this on my Instagram (mostly because my thoughts couldn’t be shoved into 140 characters):

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And I really mean all of that. Who has the audacity to make fun of or be annoyed by someone who is trying to better themselves in the new year? Of course, many of those people will have a cheeseburger this week, or stop going to Zumba by, like, January 19th, but who has the right to put them down for trying?

So, as I said above, I fully support all your resolutions and goal-making, regardless of how corny they may seem. Heck, maybe I’ll even try to cut fast food out of my diet completely. Not likely… I’ve been craving some McNuggets like no other lately.

But, you still get my point. I think it’s important to try to be a better person every day you wake up, not just on January 1st. And the people who tell you otherwise or laugh at your ambitions are clearly not the type of people you want to be around in 2k15 anyway.

On that note… Cheers to the New Year!

Manic Mondays: I’m Becoming a Buddhist

Recently I’ve been reading up on some Buddhist teachings. I know, how worldly of me.

But, in all seriousness, last week, I read pieces by the Dalai Lama and a Vietnamese Monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, and I feel like it’s causing me some anxiety.

What’s really ironic is that these pieces are probably supposed to be calming and soothing. They’re supposed to make you reflect and consider your life in an insightful way. Not stress. Which is obviously what I’m doing.

Both the Dalai Lama and Hanh talk about 5 traditional precepts, which should act like guidelines for living a compassionate, ethical life. Hanh specifically reflects on these “Five Mindfullness Trainings,” which can be summed up as follows:

  1. I vow to affirm life and to refrain from the taking of a life
  2. I vow to be generous and to refrain from taking what is not given
  3. I vow to be detached (from being self-centered) and to refrain from sexual misconduct
  4. I vow to manifest truth and to refrain from verbal transgressions
  5. I vow to proceed clearly and to refrain from harmful consumption

And, as I read them, I started to worry about what a terribly self-centered individual I can be at, like, all times. I’m constantly worried about myself: What am I going to eat today? When am I going to get my homework done? Why am I poor? Why don’t I have a private jet?

Well, Laura, there’s some people who aren’t going to eat at all today. There’s some people who have been studying to get into medical school for about 10 hours today. There’s some people are can’t afford a house. And as far as the private jet situation… grow up.

The last mindfullness training really stuck out to me, too. When Hanh writes about consumption it’s about so much more than food and drink. We all consume so much on a daily basis: food, beverages, music, television, movies, words. We ingest much more than we think.

And, for me, I know that probably about 99.9% of what I ingest is toxic. I watch horrible T.V., I eat fast food, I don’t read enough, I drink cheap liquor, and above all else, the words and thoughts that I consume are almost always negative.

I complain, I moan, I stress, I worry. I created an entire blog off about this stuff for heaven’s sake.

I’m not saying that I should stop doing these things all together. Honestly, I’m not sure I could even if I tried. But, it’s probably important to start making a conscious effort to ingest nutritious food (but I love you TBell), abstain from drinking (but I love you Franzia), and consume positive energy (but I love complaining).

I might always be a chronic worrier, but maybe I could be the chronic worrier with a more positive outlook on life who is also super healthy and appreciative. I doubt it would kill me to lose a pound or two or seven, either.

I'll get there, I swear.  Image from www.wkupireland.org

I’ll get there, I swear.
Image from http://www.wkupireland.org

So, there you have it. It’s Monday, I’m over-analyzing, and now I think I’m a Buddhist because I read a singular article by a monk from Vietnam.

Manic Mondays: The Future Freaks Me Out

As I sit down and begin to plan my class schedule for next semester, I notice the dwindling number of classes I have left to take to complete my degree audit. And graduate.

Holy shit. It’s almost time to be a real person.

One of the most stressful, anxiety-filled things to deal with is not knowing what you want to do with the rest of your life but simultaneously having no choice but to deal with it.

I’ve always wanted to know exactly what my future holds. I know this may come as a surprise to you all, but I’m not exactly comfortable with the unknown. I wish I was one of those creepy people who knew they wanted to be a orthopedic surgeon since they were, like, six.

However, the only thing I’m completely sure of is that I’m completely unsure what I’d like to do with my life.

Image from someecards.com

Image from someecards.com

Clearly, I’m having an even more Manic Monday than usual.

And I know that I’m not alone. Everyone ages 18-22 gets that speech everyday. The “No One Knew What They Wanted To Do When They Were Your Age, Sweetie” speech. Gag me.

I also know how unoriginal it is for me to be stressing about something that stresses nearly everyone in the world out. But, as unique and crazy as I may be at times, I’m no exception to the universal anxieties.

Ultimately, it just really sucks. It sucks not feeling confident about your future. It sucks seeing other people who seem to have a clear drive or passion for something. It sucks feeling like you have no direction.

I think I might be more satisfied or content if I was really into something. Like, anything. I’m pretty sure I don’t really enjoy… things. I’m not an avid movie watcher, or reader, or cooker, or singer, or knitter (does anyone actually knit?). I’m not artistic or crafty or athletic. I wouldn’t say I’m terrible at any of those things, but I also wouldn’t say that I feel complete happiness with a basketball or a paint brush in my hand. Quite frankly, I don’t care.

That’s why it was so difficult for me to begin blogging. I knew that I had absolutely no right to blog about cooking or movie reviewing- what the hell do I know about Filet Mignon or film making?

And I totally wish this was different. I wish I was different in this sense. I wish there was something out there that really excited me. The kind of excitement I feel when my waitress approaches me with a huge bacon cheeseburger.

That’s a scary thought, too. Imagine when I sit down for an interview in a couple years and they ask me what I’m passionate about and I respond, “Uh… Baconaters?”

Maybe these feelings and interests develop over time, though. Perhaps I’m thinking way too much into my future, which would be really unlike me…

In the mean time, I suppose I’ll register for classes, do my assignments, keep calm and attempt to get through yet another manic week as a 20-something-year-old with ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE SHE SEES HERSELF IN FIVE YEARS.

It Turns Out a Lot of People Like Whiskey

There are many things that I’ve read about blogging that I am starting to experience for myself. For example, my last post about negative attention was something that I had seen many bloggers talk about. I’ve also read about the sense of community that blogging creates and how it’s possible to find your “tribe” in the online community. These are the people who connect with you.

They’re also the people ready with fighting words when someone badmouths you.

After I posted my last blog post about not being everyone’s “cup of tea,” I was nervous about how it would be received. As a stressed out, self-diagnosed nut job, it’s hard not to worry about these types of things when you’re kind of putting everything on the line.

But, what happened was incredible. I was overwhelmed with the support and love that people showed me. It was as if I didn’t even need to defend myself. My tribe had my back.

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These are just a few of the examples on Twitter, but the other texts and comments I received completely, 100% did not go unnoticed.

It’s amazing to see this kind of response, even if it’s only from my close friends and small blog following. The level of kindness that’s present in the blogosphere/Twittersphere goes along way.

And for that, I thank you all 🙂

I’d Rather Be Someone’s Shot of Whiskey Than Everyone’s Cup of Tea

I know I don’t usually blog *on a Tuesday* but I was struck with some inspiration recently and I wanted to get my ranting out before I forgot.

Anyone with a blog knows that you can’t please everyone. There’s always going to be people out there that don’t like what you’re writing about or don’t think that anyone wants to hear your opinions. At the same time, there will be readers that absolutely love what you have to say.

For the most part, though, human beings tend to pay more attention to negative attention than positive attention. I am no exception.

Someone recently tweeted, “Twitter isn’t good enough for some attention whores anymore. Now they have to make blogs to share their irrelevant opinions.” Now, although I can’t prove this is about me, after more than five people screen-shotted the tweet and sent it to me, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that it, indeed, was directed towards my “irrelevant” self.

I was definitely offended at first. I don’t necessarily think I’m bothering anyone by blogging, and even if I am, I’m not passing out contracts requiring anyone to read my attention-seeking opinions against their will.

Being not calm, cool or collected doesn’t help, either. If I were more even-keeled, I probably wouldn’t have thought twice about the tweet, but we all know I can’t just go with the flow. I have to obsess about these things- over-think, over-analyze, over-worry. Should I just stop blogging now?

After my initial annoyance, though, I realized that you truly can’t win everyone’s approval. As cliche as, “You win some, you lose some,” is, it’s still 100% true. And spending your time worrying about the losses takes away from the wins.

Plus, criticism and negativity open up a conversation. If I had any sort of desire to speak to that tweeter, I could’ve utilized their negativity to create a discussion about what they prefer to see in blogs and what interests them. In the future, I plan to do this when I see similar comments. This person, however, didn’t deserve my time.

And that will happen, too. Some people are open to a respectful debate, and other people just want to bring you down. Deciphering between the two is crucial for bloggers.

I also think that the blogging world is one of acceptance. I am no angel, and it’s not like I’ve never judged someone in the past. But I certainly think that once you’re aware of how difficult and raw it is to put your personal thoughts on the World Wide Web, you become less critical of others and more open-minded. Love me some blogosphere.

In conclusion, a fair warning: Say whatever you like, but just like Taylor Swift can write a song about you…

I can blog about you 😉

It’s My Birthday And I’ll Blog If I Want To

In typical Laura Meyers fashion, I was brought home in a cop car last night.

No, not like that. I simply asked for a ride home from the bar and he gave me one. Super casual.

Anyway, I’m finally legal!! And I know I don’t usually blog on Thursdays, but refer to the title.

That being said, I’m sorry if there are any typos or grammatical errors in this post. I’m not really in a proof reading type of mood, but then again, I’m not really in any type of mood other than an I’m-going-to-skip-all-my-classes-and-lay-in-bed-until-I-get-bed-sores type of mood (Sorry to my professor who is probably reading this post about skipping class. I’m uh- sick?).

Multitasking.

Multitasking.

Now, I’m going to make a list of things that define my birthday as being not calm, cool or collected:

  1. I got brought home in a cop car from the bar last night as a sincere favor, but we’ve already discussed this. I’ll have to blog another time about my weird ability to convince people to do what I want…
  2. I accused people of talking about me last night when I left the room. I’m almost positive I made the entire scenario up and I’m almost positive I did it because I wasn’t getting enough attention.
  3. I wore a DARE shirt out last night. Enough said.
  4. My dad bought me a tub of Utz cheeseballs for my 21st birthday. That’s for real.
  5. My friend also brought me a sub. I mean like an actual submarine sandwich. Turkey, lettuce, tomato to get specific. What kind of sicko gets excited about a turkey sandwich present? I do.
  6. I didn’t have class until 1 p.m. and I still couldn’t make it. I’m not sure if I’m even hungover. I think I just look for any excuse to take personal days.
  7. The only time I left my bed so far today was for a breakfast sandwich. It was ah-mazing, though, so I don’t regret the energy I put into obtaining it.
  8. I haven’t showered today and I don’t plan on it. Refer to my last comment on the energy involved in ordering a b-fast sammy. Can you even imagine the energy involved in bathing?
  9. My friends have decided to upload hideous pictures of me on Twitter for the past hour. I’m scared scrolling through my timeline. When I say hideous, I mean hideous (although, I do have a small habit of exaggerating…).
  10. I have to do it all over again tonight.

So, that’s my birthday, and my life, in a nutshell. Feel free to make fun of me, because everyone else is.

And now, I am going to get ready to go to happy hour at Applebee’s because that’s what 21 and fun girls do. Ta-ta!

I’m Bringing Pale Back

Pale is going to be the new tan. Mark my words.

And, yes, I’m well aware “going pale” isn’t a new trend. Models are ghost-white and sexy, celebrities pull off the sick-look with class and even the occasional trendy girl on campus can make pale look tres chic.

But, the majority of college girls in Upstate New York feel the need to bake in a tanning bed for the entirety of their lives in an effort to convince themselves and others that they’re pretty.

It’s definitely annoying and it’s definitely stressful, especially for worriers like myself. It’s hard not feeling comfortable in your own skin (pun intended).

I’m German and Irish, blue-eyed with blonde hair and therefore, exceptionally pale by nature. And not that, milky, soft-looking skin pale. I’m talking, you-can-see-all-of-my-veins pale. It’s creepy, to be honest.

And as a result, I spent most of my high school career trying to rid myself of my translucent skin. I tanned for years, my white skinning burning away, until I finally attained some sort of color to my pigment. I looked HOT (looking back, I was orange, but never mind that fact). I continued to tan on and off until this year, unable to ever return to my see-through skin days.

Recently, all of this changed. First of all, this blog is anything but serious and anything but sad, but I am going to get serious and sad for a moment. My friend was diagnosed with skin cancer this past summer. And it wasn’t just a small scare, it was the real deal. She had been tanning continuously for years, but we all had, and no one thinks anything bad will come of it. Until it happens to your best friend.

She’s doing perfectly fine now, recovering and handling the entire situation like a trooper (something I admire beyond words). She’s currently healthy and moving forward, which we are all extremely grateful for. But, that isn’t the case for everyone.

Skin cancer is the most common form of cancer in the United States. “Each year, there are more new cases of skin cancer than the combined incidence of cancers of the breast, prostate, lung and colon” (www.skincancer.org). Millions of people are diagnosed annually with this disease and not all are as lucky as my beautiful best friend.

End lecture. I know that none of this is new or blind-blowing information, but it hit home for me recently, and has inspired me to never, eva, eva step foot in a tanning bed again. I am all about the spray tans and I even support catching some natural rays once in awhile, but it’s time to step away from the human ovens and embrace my Irish skin.

I TOTALLY encourage anyone and everyone to do the same. Ghostly can be the new trend. We can all start comparing who is more pale instead of cross-checking each others tans. It’ll be just as fun, I promise.

vein-y and blotchy and pale and... perfectly fine

vein-y and blotchy and pale and… perfectly fine (sorry for the selfie, I promise I’m not promoting faux modeling, just getting my translucent point across)

So, next time you see me looking creepy and colorless on campus, refrain from commenting. Maybe refrain from buying that three month package deal at Total Tan, too.